


rummaging in our souls

by ohmytheon



Series: daemons and alchemy [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Canon Compliant, Daemons, F/M, Gen, His Dark Materials - Freeform, Ishbal | Ishval, Pre-FMAB, Royai - Freeform, Young Royai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:50:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2180364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmytheon/pseuds/ohmytheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is the strangest feeling in the world – having her soul settle while in someone else’s hands. Riza knows instinctively that her soul will be marked by Roy Mustang forever.</p><p>(Or, Pre-Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood with daemons, focusing on Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye throughout their childhood, the Ishval Civil War, and after.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	rummaging in our souls

**Author's Note:**

> I had no intentions of writing this. I hadn't even though of it. The next thing I knew, a few hours later, it was written. I really don't know how this came about when I have so many other things I could be writing. (Then again, daemon AUs are my actual favorite, so that's probably why.) Originally (or well, as I thought while writing), this was supposed to have Ed, Al, and the like and I was going to talk about human transmutation's effect on daemons...but I think I'm going to save that for a different story. I did so much research on these animals and names. Thank you, behindthename.com and also a random website I found that described animals and their meanings. I really did choose these purposefully. The quote/title is from Leo Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina".

**rummaging in our souls  
** _we often dig up something that ought to have lain there unnoticed_

Roy is rather sure that Shula will settle as something small like a salamander just to irritate him. Here he is, a messy-haired, snarky child, destined to one day be one of the greatest alchemists ever, and he’ll have a tiny black and yellow-spotted salamander sitting on top of his shoulders all smug-like.

Truth be told, as a young child, Shula’s salamander form is his favorite. He likes the way her body scampers around and how she can hide. Sometimes, people would be startled when they didn’t see his daemon for hours on end. It would unnerve them; and boy, did he love unnerving people. But she would be there, crawling around under his shirt sleeve, tickling his collarbone, sleeping in his pocket. He loves how smooth she is, how cold she feels in his hot hands.

And yet she is fire reborn. He knows it because he knows he is.

Fire tap-dances under his skin like Morse code, to the point where he can feel it thrumming in his body whenever he and Shula are connected. Becoming Berthold Hawkeye’s apprentice to learn Flame Alchemy just seals the deal.

“Salamanders are symbolic of fire,” Shula whispers one night while they’re lying in bed. She’s in the form of a simple beagle, her head using his thigh as a pillow.

“Yeah, and they can also get squashed like a bug,” Roy points out. His hands are behind his head and he stares at the ceiling, thinking about the new equations he learned that day. None of them are about fire. His master is very…protective when it comes to his research.

Shula lifts her head and shifts into the form of a snake, sliding her way up to his head so that she can curl up on the pillow. “When do you think I’ll settle?”

“I don’t…” Roy frowns. He doesn’t know what to say to his daemon.

Neither of them wants to talk about how he’s late – how they’re late. He’s fifteen and Shula isn’t settled and that kind of unnerves people in a way that Roy doesn’t like. Settling is a sign of maturity; it’s a sign of becoming an adult. Settling late usually means that something happened in a person’s childhood to disrupt the process.

(Screeching tires comes to mind – the blinding lights, his mother’s scream, the tapping of raindrops on the side of his face through the broken windshield.)

His only comfort is that Riza’s daemon hasn’t settled either, but she’s younger than him. My god, what if Wojciech settles before Shula? How humiliating would that be?

Shula shifts into a salamander and sits on Roy’s neck right where his pulse beats slowly. “You think too much.”

Roy closes his eyes. “You sound like Miss Hawkeye.” But flames dance behind his eyes and he tries to picture Shula as something big and fierce, like a dragon, but there haven’t been dragon daemons in years, to the point where they’re more myth than history.

*

Her father’s daemon Vidya is, predictably, a hawk. Sharp as ever, even as her father’s health begins to deteriorate, Vidya kept an eye on her more than her own father did. Wojciech likes to test out the hawk form, shifting to a smaller, lighter-feathered version of the other daemon, whenever they are outside in the garden. She’ll climb into the one tree they have, an apricot tree that strangely hasn’t produced any apricots since her mother died, and watch as Wojciech tries out different bird of prey forms that they looked up in books, shifting fluidly from one to another.

For some reason though, none of the forms feel right in Riza’s heart; and that bothers her deeply.

“Father will be disappointed if you don’t settle as a bird,” Riza sighs.

Wojciech cocks his German shepherd puppy head to the side. “That’ll be the first time he’s noticed you in years then.” When she glares at him, he gives her a sheepish look, one that only dogs are capable of, and bows his head. “I’m only saying… He pays more attention to Roy than you.”

Riza tries not to squirm uncomfortably at the use of her father’s apprentice’s name. He’s always been “Mister Mustang” to her since he first arrived, but Wojciech is stubborn and knows how much Riza yearns for her father’s attention. Just by using the boy’s first name, making it seem like his daughter’s daemon might actually be familiar with the apprentice, causes Vidya’s sharp eyes to dig into the back of Wojciech’s skull and that’s more attention than either of them usually get.

“You shouldn’t call him that,” Riza finally says. “You don’t know him.”

Wojciech huffs. “It wouldn’t hurt to do so, you know. You’re allowed to have friends.”

“It’s not…”

“Not what? Not appropriate?” Wojciech leans into her and Riza pulls him into a tight hug. His fur is soft and his body warm. She would feel so terribly alone in this stuffy house if it wasn’t for him. As if reading her thoughts, he adds, “You shouldn’t have to be alone.”

Riza smiles. “I’m not alone. I’ve got you.”

“And I’ve got you,” Wojciech says as he shifts into the form of lizard, hard scales and all, “but you can have other people in your life too. It’s your life, not your father’s. You’re allowed to live.”

*

They find each other in the strangest of ways.

Of course, it’s Wojciech’s and Shula’s fault. If Riza didn’t know it was impossible for her daemon and Roy’s daemon to converse secretly without either of them knowing, she would be sure that the two unsettled daemons conspired together to do so.

It starts out slow.

Wojciech will take his time waking up in the kitchen while she makes breakfast. She can usually leave before Roy wakes up, but with Wojciech being so slow, Roy will stumble into the dining area and they eat breakfast together. They don’t do a lot of talking at this hour, seeing as how Roy is usually waking up from a long night of studying, but they learn to be comfortable around each other even in silence until they’re used to each other’s presence.

Other times, when Riza brings Roy a snack or dinner in the middle of a long study session, Shula will jump to the ground, shifting into some ridiculous animal form like a badger or a capuchin monkey and start chasing Wojciech around the library. It usually causes some sort of mess and ends up with Roy and Riza actually laughing. Roy is pretty excellent at slacking off and pretending to be studying, but it’s only until Shula starts goofing off that Riza realizes Roy quit studying a while ago.

“She’s got a lot of pent up energy,” Riza notes as she watches Shula shift into one animal to the next, barely five seconds in between changing. Wojciech doesn’t shift nearly as much.

Roy stretches out in the chair. “She’s not one for sitting around, studying and reading books.”

Riza gives him a slightly knowing look. “Then she’s a reflection of you.”

“Well,” Roy says, a grin on his face that surely charms most people with ease, “I’m more of a practical learner than a theoretical one.”

Careful, she keeps a passive expression. “Oh really?”

“To me, alchemy is about feeling things,” Roy continues. “I understand it better when I can feel the energy flowing from my body, through the earth, in the air, through other people.” He leans back in the chair, a look in his dark eyes that Riza feels like might be a bit dangerous. “I’m a hands-on learner.”

“I’m afraid you’ve got a long while before any practical lessons, Mister Mustang,” Riza informs him. A slightly crestfallen look comes over Roy’s face before he’s able to hide it. She’s not sure what that’s all about, but a sense of giddiness sits in her gut, making her unable to stand still for once. “Come, Wojciech, we’ve got some hands- _off_ lessons to attend to.” She nods to Roy. “I’ll leave you to your studying. I don’t want to distract you any more than I already have.”

“Hm, too late,” Shula says in a sing-song voice as she prances back over to Roy in a collie form, though her words are directed more towards Roy than her.

*

Their friendship doesn’t happen suddenly. It comes in waves, his attention on her very fierce when they’re around each other and then distant when his studies absorb him, so that Riza is both unaware of it happening and surprised when she realizes it’s too late to go back.

 _You did this,_ Riza thinks accusingly at Wojciech.

The ridiculous sloppy grin on Wojciech’s akita face is condemning enough to confirm her suspicions, but he never admits to anything out loud. Over the past year, since Roy and Shula arriving on their doorstep, Wojciech has learned to become secretive, even when it comes to her. Riza is now more than certain that somehow her daemon did conspire with the other daemon to bring two very stubborn, very lonely, and very bored teenagers together.

There’s a scuffle outside her bedroom door and then a piece of paper slides under her door. As she sitsup on her bed, Wojciech dutifully retrieves it for her. The note simply reads: _Swim?_

Riza hesitates as she stares at the note and then looks at the clock, which reads after midnight. She and Roy have spent of lot of time together this past summer, especially since her father started going on random trips to gather more in depth research and information, but this feels scandalous. Sighing, she goes to write a decline, but Wojciech bumps into her elbow, causing her to streak her pen all along the paper and tear it slightly.

When she goes to question him, Wojciech gives her a look that says exactly what she wants.

It’s late, but she’s learned how to be extra quiet, changing into the proper clothing and getting some things she might want for a midnight swim. _This is absurd,_ she can’t help but think as she tiptoes out of the house. She’s never snuck out of the house before, especially not when her father is home, but there’s Roy standing outside, staring up at the stars. Wojciech doesn’t even bother hiding his excitement, bounding towards a young lion shaped Shula.

Riza nearly stops breathing. Bathed in the moonlight with the proud cat standing next to him, Roy looks more like a man than the boy she remembers seeing earlier that day.

When he turns, he grins though, and he’s back to being childish. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Wojciech wanted to get out of the house,” Riza half-lies. Well, she’s not really lying. Wojciech did want out of the house; she just left out the part where she wanted to get out too. The four of them walk to the small pond that is little ways from the house. “And he likes being outside when there’s a full moon.”

That much is true. Wojciech runs around the two humans gleefully in the shape of a black wolf. He’s graceful in this form, but sort of seems to act more like a dog than a wolf, like he’s not sure how.

Riza stands awkwardly at the edge of the pond as Roy starts stripping. It is in that moment that she becomes aware of what’s going on and begins to heat up very quickly. She’s going swimming. In the middle of the night. With a boy. Who is just wearing his _boxers_. She’s very grateful that it’s night and no one can see her blushing as she tries her best not to look at Roy.

Just as she’s considering that this is a bad idea and she should go back inside, Wojciech bumps into the back of her legs, causing her to stumble and let out a squeak as she falls into the pond, still fully clothed. “Wojciech!” she sputters as she pushes herself to the surface. But Roy is laughing and Wojciech doesn’t look all that apologetic in his new otter form as he swims circles around her. Shula gives something of a grin as she turns into a platypus and slips into the water.

“You have a very mischievous daemon, Miss Hawkeye,” Roy states, grinning ear-to-ear.

Riza glowers at Wojciech. _You don’t know the half of it._

*

Shula settles on Riza’s birthday.

While Riza is at school, Roy goes out of his way to attempt to bake a cake, seeing as how he knows her father will forget and Vidya won’t bother reminding the man in case it disturbs him from his research. Except that baking isn’t Roy’s specialty and he nearly ends up burning down the house.

“Maybe you shouldn’t learn flame alchemy,” Shula groans out as Roy tries desperately to air out the kitchen.

Roy sticks his head out the window to take a deep breath, goes to glare at her and tell her to stuff it, when a weird, dazed expression floats over Shula’s face. It hits him too, knocking the wind out of him and making him collapse into a chair. “Oh,” is all he says.

For a while, neither of them says anything. They just sit in the smoky kitchen in silence, sizing each other up. It’s like he’s looking at Shula for the first time and like he’s known her in this form his entire life. She’s different and strange and yet altogether very familiar deep in his bones. Many people talk about how their daemons settle during times of stress, tragedy, or need. There’s a defining moment when a daemon knows it’s time to settle down and the person’s soul becomes what it’s supposed to be.

She’s not a salamander, that’s for sure. She’s nothing small. Roy should have known that his ego is too large and his ambition too great for her to settle as something inconspicuous. Instead, a lioness sits in one of the kitchen chairs staring back at him inquisitively.

Shula picks up one of her large paws to examine it, her tail swishing lightly behind her. “If I’d known you baking a cake was going to cause enough distress to settle me…”

(This should have been a warning for them both.)

*

“I’m enlisting in the military,” Roy tells her in the study.

They sit in darkness, nothing but a small candle lighting the room. It’s barely enough light for her to be able to see him, but she can feel the frown on his face as her fingers gently touch his cheeks, like she’s trying to map his face so that she’ll be able to remember what he looks like when he’s gone. It’s too much. She’s become too familiar with him, too used to his presence, too close to the heat of his body. When she goes to pull away, he snatches her hands in his and keeps them close.

Riza looks at him. She doesn’t speak.

Instead, Wojciech lets out a whine and nudges her back. “Why?”

Roy gives her daemon a woeful look. She can see it in the unusual dimness of his eyes, how his shoulders sag under the weight of his thoughts pressing down on him, the way he refuses to let go of their hands.

 _This was a mistake,_ Riza tells herself. _I should never have allowed myself to get this close._

“It’s my duty,” Roy answers.

“No, no, your duty is to learn and to…to…” Wojciech shakes his head, flittering from one form to another. She’s never seen him shift so quickly before. It’s to the point where she has a difficult time differentiating what animals he’s changing into. Still, Riza says nothing. She can’t say anything. If she does, words might not come out, and she feels like the vase she’s become might shatter all over again. And she just can’t. She can’t. She can’t.

Shula pads up besides Roy. With them sitting down cross-legged on the ground, she’s taller than them, but not intimidating. Riza imagines that Shula will one day look fearsome, but there’s a gentleness that becomes her when she’s around Riza’s still unsettled daemon. “Wojciech,” she says, her deep voice rumbling in Riza’s chest, “we’re so sorry, but we have to do this. It’s important.”

“Are we not important?” Wojciech demands.

All words are sucked right out of both Roy and Shula; and they gawk back with nothing to say.

“It’s your life, Mister Mustang,” Riza says in a flat tone, pulling her hands out of his and standing up. “If you think it’s important and your duty to serve your country, then I trust you.” The stunned look on Roy’s face turns into one of dismay. She can see the hurt in his eyes; she can see how he didn’t want to upset her or even tell her any of this. She doesn’t care. Her chest aches and Wojciech’s mind is reeling inside hers. She will not cry. She will not shed a tear over her father’s apprentice. “Now, if you will excuse me, it’s late and I’m tired.”

Riza turns and goes to leave. Wojciech follows at her heels.

It happens without warning. It’s a mistake. Roy didn’t mean to do it. She knows that the second it happens, but it still makes her buckle to her knees.

Roy jumps up. “Riza, please–” He reaches out for her, but stubborn and protective of her and so very angry and not thinking clearly, Wojciech jumps in the way, and Roy ends up grabbing her daemon and sinking his fingers into her daemon’s fur.

Instantly, Riza gasps and collapses to the ground as electricity shoots through her entire body. No – it’s not electricity. It’s _fire_. The second Roy touched Wojciech, it was like her soul was _burned_ , marked by him in some way that she can’t describe, and it literally takes the breath out of her chest and she doubles over, not in pain, but she feels something is burning inside of her chest. Simultaneously, Roy makes strangled sound, like some sort of maimed animal, but he digs his hands further into Wojciech’s fur and Riza can feel his fingers holding onto her soul and Wojciech, back in his nightly wolf form, lets out a low howl. Shula twitches behind Roy, and she somehow knows through Roy’s contact with Wojciech that Shula has been yearning to touch Riza for many months.

It is the strangest feeling in the world – having her soul settle while in someone else’s hands. She knows instinctively that her soul will be marked by Roy forever.

*

(Riza never touches Shula.)

They never talk about that night. Neither her father nor Vidya comment on Wojciech’s new settled appearance as a wolf of all things, but she sees the disappointment well enough in Vidya’s sharp hawk eyes and Wojciech painfully avoids eye contact altogether with the bird daemon.

Roy never touches Wojciech again, but he stands close, his fingers just inches away, and she can feel his soul just ghosting alongside hers. Sometimes, she wishes he would, and it’s during the most absurd times, like breakfast or when he’s falling asleep against a book. Wojciech refuses to admit to such things and becomes distant with her. It hurts. But she knows that he’s hurting.

Shula sleeps near her feet under tables, and Riza can feel the heat of her breath and swish of her tail. God, it’s all too much.

Roy disappears from her life a month later for the military academy, leaving her father’s apprenticeship on bad terms. Her father refuses to even say goodbye, so that leaves Riza and Wojciech standing on the train station to see Roy and Shula off. For a solid three minutes, they all just stand there and stare at each other.

“I’ll write to you, I promise,” he says.

“Will I even see you again?” she asks.

 _Don’t become another ghost in my life,_ Riza thinks absurdly and tears suddenly spring to her eyes. No, no, she’s not going to cry over this stupid boy.

At his side, Shula turns her head. ( _Touch her, just touch her while you still have the chance._ ) Riza knows that Shula has to in order to stay strong. Riza knows because she has to do the same thing. She can’t look Roy in the eyes no matter how much he tries to get her to do so. They’re not hard yet. In the future, when they are soldiers cut from stone, things like this will be easy. But they are still children. They have lost so much and yet they are still so weak.

“We’ll see each other again,” Roy tells her. It’s such an empty promise, one full of hope. He was always so full of hope. Riza could never get used to that. Hope wasn’t meant for the Hawkeye family. “I…” The train whistles. Wojciech flinches at her side. “I’ll miss you.”

His eyes glance at Wojciech, but the wolf won’t look at him. She can feel the fire lit under his fingers, itching him to sink his fingers into Wojciech’s fur. It’s the same urge she feels to touch the lion standing in front of her.

“Be careful,” Riza says, shaking Roy’s hand and then pocketing both of hers.

Roy boards the train, Shula behind him. Both of them cast one last glance at Riza and Wojciech, and she makes the mistake of making eye contact with him. He vanishes into the train. She will not see him for many years and his letter will become sparser as the time passes.

(She should have wrapped her entire body around Shula’s solid frame and held her close. Maybe then, maybe then, Roy wouldn’t have left.)

*

The first thing Riza notices is how proud Shula looks. Her shoulders are straight, her head is always held high, and she takes every step with deliberate purpose. She’s grown larger, more foreboding, with much more muscle and danger hinting at her. It’s so much different from the playful, young lion that Riza remembers from before Roy left for the military. Of course, Roy is different too. He’s taller, broader in the chest and shoulders, and it looks as if the deep blue military uniform was designed specifically with him in mind.

They don’t talk much when she lets him inside so that he can plead with her father for his flame alchemy research one last time. They really don’t talk a lot after she hears Roy shout and finds him clutching her father’s lifeless body. And they most definitely do not talk at all during the wake and funeral.

(She can’t talk about the dust sliding out of Roy’s hands, like he was trying to hold Vidya together as she died alongside her father.)

Roy’s presence is both comforting and disconcerting. Wojciech irritably prowls the house, held low, teeth barred half the time. She can feel his anger burning through him. In his mind, Roy deserted them. He changed them and then he left them alone with her slowly maddening father. Being locked up in the house while tending to her ailing father did nothing to soothe the wolf. You don’t cage a wolf. It makes them dangerous, wild, and unpredictable.

For the first time in many years, after her father’s funeral, as she stands in her bedroom clutching her shirt against her chest so that her back is bare to Roy’s gaze, Riza feels very unsettled.

“It’s…” Roy doesn’t have the words. When she sneaks a glance back, she sees how wide his eyes are, his mind running through all sorts of things, but she mostly sees how weak he’s gone. Her father denied him this; and here she is, trusting the man that left them with her father’s precious secrets. He takes one step towards her, and Wojciech leans down and gives out a low growl. Roy stops immediately, but this time, Shula steps forward, fiercer and much more dominant. Wojciech may be a wild wolf, but Shula is the queen of the jungle. “I’m sorry. I…”

“It’s okay,” Riza breathes out, reaching out so that she can touch Wojciech and pour some of her steadiness into him. (But she feels so unsteady and dizzy. Her father is dead. She’s alone. But Roy is here and Shula is so close and Wojciech is so wounded and she’s never felt so exposed in her entire life.) “I trust you with this. You’re the only one I know that deserves this and it’ll help you and I…I can’t hold this burden by myself.”

Her skin burns worst than when she was tattooed when Roy places his hand on her back. She has to bite her lip to keep herself from whimpering. Wojciech’s sharp claws dig into the wooden floor. She can feel the words that Roy wants to say pressing into her back through his hand, but he can’t say them. Instead, like before, Shula lifts her head and says, “We missed you.”

“Me or the alchemy?” she asks, feeling a sense of relief at speaking to Roy’s daemon and not him.

She can hear the small grin in Roy’s voice as he says, “Both.” He runs his hand up her back reverently, like she’s something to be worshiped. She can’t stop from shivering. “And Wojciech, too. Everyone else’s daemons were so skittish around Shula. Apparently, she’s very intimidating.”

Wojciech snorts. “Hardly.”

“Lions are dangerous, you know,” Shula points out.

“As are wolves,” Wojciech counters.

“Fire is most dangerous of them all,” Riza says. “We have to be careful about this.”

Roy’s hand stops, and then he pulls away from her. “This changes everything.”

They are young. They are foolish. They do not know of the tragedy that this moment will bring them and others. They do not understand yet what their government has in store for them and how Roy’s greatest achievement will also be a part of his undoing.

*

Shula despises the heat of the Ishval desert. “Lions weren’t made this kind of weather,” she groans as they duck into his tent. Roy can’t help but agree. It doesn’t help that his flame alchemy seems to make everything ten times worse. They are both already on fire as it is. Combine the towering flames he now creates with the unforgiving sun; and he and Shula are both very miserable.

 _We deserve the pain though,_ Roy thinks, _for all the pain that we cause._

He sits down and looks down at his gloved hands. When Riza gave him the key to flame alchemy, he was so animated over the idea of serving his country, of protecting people, of doing good. Now he just feels like he’s been contaminated. He feels dirty and covered him blood. She trusted him with the secrets of flame alchemy; and he’s done nothing but use it to murder and destroy.

“Stop,” Shula warns. “Stop thinking about that and stop thinking about her.”

“Easier said than done.”

Shula snorts and then glares at something outside of the tent. “Oh, shit, why does that bugger have to come around and bother us? Can’t we get a break?”

Before Roy can ask who she means, Zolf Kimblee steps inside his tent, a positively gleeful expression on his face. Slipping inside behind him is his dark-skinned goana lizard daemon, Keres. Roy isn’t sure how it’s possible for a lizard to smirk, but Keres does seemingly always, like she knows something that no one else knows. Shula never sits down whenever Keres is around, never turns her back, never looks away, never makes a sound. Roy can feel her on edge and it makes him uncomfortable whenever Kimblee is around.

“What do you want, Kimblee?” Roy questions.

“Why, is that any way to treat a friend, Major?” Kimblee responds, his teeth gleaming in the sunlight. Keres practically snickers. Roy can feel Shula holding back a snarl.

Maes Hughes is a friend. Riza Hawkeye was a friend.

Zolf Kimblee is a dirty piece of shit that Roy would love nothing more than to wash his hands of.

Roy wipes the sweat off his face, but the feeling of exhaustion is still written all over him. “Alright, what can I do for you, Major Kimblee?”

“I’ve been recruited for a night mission,” Kimblee says. “I was wondering if the great Flame Alchemist would like to join me.”

 _No,_ Roy thinks, _a thousand times no._

If he can avoid as many missions as possible, he’ll maybe have a shard of his soul left to cradle by the time this war ( _No, this extermination,_ Shula interjects) is over. Roy and Shula never talk about how thin Shula has become, how there are times when she seems like nothing but skin and bones instead of the lean muscle she’d started out here with. It cuts him to see her like this and know it’s his fault. He was the one that wanted to sign up for the military in the first place.

But Roy also knows that he can’t just outright say no to things like this. It’s just as political as it is terrible. He has to be careful with what he says and does. “I just came back from a mission,” he says. “I need a break. I’m feeling a bit stretched thin when I’m needed all over the place all the time.”

Kimblee shrugs his shoulders. “Suit yourself, Mustang.” And then he and Keres leave as quickly as they came, allowing both Shula and Roy to let out a breath neither of them were aware they were holding.

“I hate that man almost as much as I hate his daemon,” Shula mutters as she lies down.

Roy gives her a peculiar look. “You know, you’ve never told me why you hate Keres so much.”

“She’s evil, Roy,” is all Shula says before turning her head away from him. He has found over the years that daemons have a certain code between them that their humans don’t understand. It’s souls communicating with souls and they shouldn’t be able to hide things and yet they do. Roy figures that if Shula doesn’t like someone’s soul, he probably should stay far away from the person.

*

There is one point near the end of the Ishval Rebellion where Roy thinks he might actually kill Kimblee. The man is a monster; and as far as Roy is concerned, he needs to be put down. None of the alchemists talk about what they have to do; no one wants to admit to using their abilities to destroy innocent lives for no real reason except their government is telling them to. But Kimblee seems downright cheerful about the whole thing. He hides it for the most part, sure, behind charming smiles and soothing words, but Roy knows a con when he sees one.

After all, it takes one to know one.

However, every time Kimblee takes a step around Riza, it pushes Roy right to the edge. Finding Riza and Wojciech in Ishval took him off guard more than he expected. They were in the middle of a war and he couldn’t just walk up to her and comfort her. Or maybe he could. Things are so mixed up in this hell hole that there are days when Roy can’t tell up from down, much less wrong from right. After all, when he performs his alchemy, the flames cover up the sight of daemons bursting into dust while Riza gets a close look at daemons vanishing into the sand with her scope. He could do something. Or he couldn’t. Guilt seemed to zap both of them of any energy.

But when he sees Kimblee put a _comforting_ hand on Riza’s shoulder, something in him sort of snaps.

“Roy, don’t be stupid,” Shula hisses at him as Roy stomps towards his two fellow soldiers.

But of course Roy doesn’t listen. He curls his hands into fists at his side and watches the expression on Kimblee’s face, how gentle it looks, how carefully maintained it is. _Liar, he’s a liar and a killer._

 _So are you,_ Shula reminds sharply.

That stops Roy cold. He stands there awkwardly, fists clenched, body shaking with unreleased energy. Thank everything in the world that he didn’t have his alchemy gloves on already or there would’ve been an explosion of fire.

A sudden hand on his shoulder makes Roy nearly jump and he jerks around to see Maes standing next to him, a slightly concerned expression on his face. “Uh, you alright there, Mustang?”

“He looks ready to pop,” Niamh says.

Roy scowls at Maes’ owl daemon. It’s strange to see such a timid-looking daemon out here. Most of the soldiers and especially state alchemists have somewhat daunting daemons – it gives them a more menacing appearance to the Ishval rebels – and then there’s Maes with his glasses and inquisitive owl daemon perched on his shoulder, twisting her head around in ways that make Shula’s head spin.

“It’s nothing–”

Maes sighs and takes his hand off Roy’s shoulder. “Look; I know that Kimblee gets under your skin – quite frankly, he gives me the willies – but Hawkeye can take care of herself, even if she’s just a cadet still.” Roy looks back at Riza and Kimblee. She’s kept a very stoic expression, but he can see the leery look that her grey wolf daemon is giving the goana daemon. Wojciech is not up to being buddies with Keres one bit. That gives Roy (and Shula) some sort of relief. “Besides, she’s got your back more than you’ve got hers.”

The statement is meant as a joke, but Maes doesn’t know how wrong he is. Roy does have her back – almost literally. His alchemy is inked on her back; he literally has it on the back of his hands, shoved into his pockets, hidden in a trunk. His abilities are her secrets to guard. He suddenly feels an enormous weight crushing him; and if it wasn’t for Shula leaning up against him, he probably would’ve fallen. She does that a lot these days. He asks too much of her without saying a word.

“I know what will cheer him up,” Niamh announces.

Roy gives the owl a flat look. God, no. She sounds so innocent, but he can recognize that tone a mile away. It’s the one that sets Maes off at the drop of a hat.

Maes smiles brightly. “Another letter came in today – and this time the love of my life sent a _picture_.”

*

Burning the alchemic transmutations on Riza’s back is almost more than Roy can bear and he’s not the one experiencing excruciating pain. He was reluctant when she first asked him to help her destroy the evidence of his expertise, but now he’s downright horrified. As if the crimes he committed against the Ishvalan people weren’t enough, one of his closest friends is currently suffering at his hands.

“Riza, I–”

“No,” Riza grits out, holding onto Wojciech so tightly that he’s growling in pain too, “you have to– you have to keep going. More. A little more.”

She doesn’t know what she’s asking of him. His hands tremble as he lifts them again, aiming at her back. Shula presses into him, guiding him forward, but even she is shaking. Her eyes are locked onto Wojciech and he sees fear hidden in them. He seemingly snaps his fingers again and the flames lick Riza’s skin.

Riza tries to hold in a scream, but she bites her lip so hard that blood immediately rushes out and she lets out a loud cry. Roy stops, knowing his work is complete, and he turns away, wholly disgusted with himself, and doubles over as he resists the urge to throw up. A foul stench of burning skin hits the air, reminding him so much of Ishval, and he can’t help but gag. When he looks over, he sees Riza lying on the ground, weakly holding onto a whimpering Wojciech.

That hurts him even more. Wojciech isn’t small by any means. He’s large and grey and dangerous. It is difficult to imagine the young wolf daemon that seemed more pup than anything else, like he didn’t know how to be a wolf. The Ishval Civil war took him and churned out a lean, vicious machine. And yet here he is, shaking in Riza’s arms.

Everything turns on his head in that moment.

“You all are so stupid,” Shula snaps, but there is genuine pain in her voice, and she rushes forwards and slides under Riza so that the woman is being smothered by both daemons.

Roy falls to his knees as fire licks the insides of his soul. Shula lets out a shuddering breath. It’s not that he can just feel Riza and that Riza can feel him and their souls are so mixed up. In that moment, Roy can feel the burns on Riza’s back – the burns he caused – and it’s like the flame alchemy he fought so hard to learn has turned against him.

“Shula,” Riza mumbles, pressing her wet face into the lion’s fur.

“I’m here; I’m here,” Shula reassures, saying all the words and doing all the things Roy wishes he could do himself. More than anything he wants to hold Riza and take care of her. But the pain is almost too great and the feeling of her touching his soul, of her tears wetting his soul, is enough to bring Roy the most pleasurable sensation in his entire life. Which is wrong on every level. Riza is in pain and needs medical attention, and he’s just over the moon and hurting. Shula shoots him a glare. “Help her _now_ , you idiot.”

Right, Riza needs medical attention. Roy shakes his head, pulls himself to his feet, and carefully picks Riza up so that he can apply the proper medication and bandage her up. A Flame Alchemist definitely knows how to deal with burns.

But shit.

(They should have done this years ago before the war, before the military, before they were tainted.)

*

It is an unspoken rule in the office that no one mentions how Wojciech will nudge Mustang when he starts to doze off at his desk or how Hawkeye absentmindedly scratches Shula behind the ears whenever the lion passes by her desk. Falman learned early on to just not question the colonel and his lieutenant’s strange and very unlabeled relationship. As far as they were concerned, Roy Mustang is the leader and Riza Hawkeye is his subordinate.

Except for the whole touching each other’s daemons thing like it is no big deal.

Right, no big deal at all. It’s not like only lovers touched each other’s daemons or exceedingly, super close friends or…whatever.

 _They’ve clearly been through a lot together,_ his Ayn points out. She swishes her tail around, deliberately smacking him in the face, and then curls up on the edge of his desk. Ayn is small for a cat and definitively not threatening when it comes to military daemons, but she’s clever and quick and makes sure that Falman follows the same path.

“Ah, would you look at the time?” Mustang announces, standing up from his desk. All of them glance at the clock with the exception of Hawkeye, who is finishing up the last bit of her paperwork for the day.

Havoc groans in relief as he stretches, Hiroko doing a very similar stretch in front of his desk. He jumps to his feet just as Hiroko does, the German shepherd chasing Fuery’s otter daemon Ada in a circle around the office. Ayn eyes the dog daemon with a slight distaste for a second before yawning and stretching as well. Though she acts as if she’s perpetually annoyed by Havoc’s insanely hyper and playful daemon, she is also distantly fond of her as well, even if she won’t admit it, and very protective of Ada.

“This means we can finally get dinner since we had to work through lunch,” Breda’s pitbull daemon points out. At this, Falman’s stomach growls and he grabs his stomach, signaling that Sumati wasn’t the only one that was hungry.

“Dinner and drinks?” Havoc suggests.

Hiroko jumps in the air, higher than the desks. “Dinner! Lots of food!”

Hawkeye’s Wojciech is still lying down in between Mustang’s and Hawkeye’s desk, but his grey ears twitch and he lets out a snort. Some people might think it comical, the one male daemon in the room being the calmest, but they all grew used to Wojciech’s steadfast demeanor. After all, they all know too easily how quick a wolf could turn. The moment when that grey wolf daemon bears his teeth is the second all other daemons snap to attention; it’s a bit like when Hawkeye would give them a certain look and they’d work harder than ever before.

“Well, Wojciech just answered for the Lieutenant,” Havoc says as he starts to rhythmically smack his pack of cigarettes against the palm of his hand. “What about you, Colonel?”

Very carefully, Mustang slides back into his jacket. “Not tonight, I’m afraid. I’ve got plans.”

“Plans, eh?” Havoc grins and Hiroko’s grin is almost a mirror image.

“Sounds like the Colonel has a hot date,” Breda adds with a laugh. “Who’s the lucky girl now?”

Mustang allows a small smirk, but it’s not nearly as obnoxious and broad as it would have been if Hawkeye hadn’t been in the room still. “Just drinks with Elizabeth.”

Beside him, Shula stands tall and proud, but Falman catches the lion glancing at Wojciech, who just rolls his eyes in response. It’s a small thing, really, but for some reason, the interaction between the two daemons seems terribly significant to Falman. He looks at Ayn and can tell that she’s thinking the exact same thing.

Shula is just as proud as her human. Standing as the largest and probably scariest-looking daemon in the office (though Wojciech is actually the scariest by far), she definitely reigns as queen of the building. All of the other daemons defer to her even when their humans might hate Mustang with everything in their guts. No one else in the military has a lion daemon, not even the Fuher himself; and Falman knows that he’s never met anyone with such a daemon nearly as large as Mustang. If she was incline to do so, Shula could swallow Ayn and Ada up in one bite probably.

“Geez, Colonel, again? This has to be at least ten times.” Havoc places the cigarette in his mouth.

“What’s that saying?” Hiroko asks.

“Maybe he should just put a ring on it?” Ayn drawls. The dog and cat daemon catch each other’s eyes and snicker with each other.

Shula merely sits down next to Mustang, head held high and something resembling a sneer, if lions were capable of sneering. “At least he has a date. You all can just go have a guys’ night, which I think is a term for pity party.”

The men all harrumph and their daemons mutter under their breaths. They all say their goodbyes, coming up with a time and place to meet up in about an hour, and then head out the doors. Falman is last, gathering his things just as Hawkeye finishes her work and puts it in the drawer.

He’s just starting to close the door, Ayn edging out behind him, when he hears Hawkeye say, “You’re getting lazy using the code name.”

“It’s as close as I get to showing off, _Elizabeth_ ,” Mustang replies.

“Insufferable, as usual,” Wojciech sighs.

“And yet you all still agree to drinks,” Shula laughs.

Falman shuts the door before he starts choking. Thank everything it’s a weekend because he’s pretty sure that he won’t be able to face the Colonel and Lieutenant for a while, not after overhearing that conversation. Ayn prances in front of him, filled with a new sense of joy at having found out that bit of information.

“Don’t you dare,” Falman threatens as he scoops her up in his arms, knowing full well that she hates being carried while inside the government building where other daemons can see her.

Ayn squirms against him, claws digging into his jacket. “Finally, _finally_ , something I can hold over Wojciech’s head. You have no idea what this means.”

“If you mean my death, then yes, I do.”

“They wouldn’t kill you.” Ayn pauses and stops struggling for a second. “Well, Lieutenant Hawkeye might shoot you. They’d probably just transfer you to somewhere like Briggs so you won’t be able to tell anyone of what you know.”

Falman scrunches up his nose. “I’ll shoot myself in the foot before I get myself transferred to Briggs, so you better not say anything.”

“Can I just tell Sumati? What about Niamh? Oh, no, Niamh probably already knows. She and Maes seem to know everything about the Colonel whether he knows it or not.”

“Ayn,” Falman stresses as they step outside, “ _no_.”

After all, it’s an unspoken rule that no one talks about how close Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye are and how their daemons seem to get their humans mixed up every once in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> riza hawkeye - northwestern wolf/northern timber wolf - wojciech (pronounced "VOI-chekh"): means "soldier" + "solace, comfort, joy"  
> roy mustang - african lion - shula: means "flame" in arabic  
> berthold hawkeye - northern goshawk - vidya: means "knowledge, science, learning" in sanskrit  
> maes hughes - great horned owl - niamh (pronounced "NEEV"): means "bright" in irish, daughter of a sea god that fell in love with a poet  
> zolf kimblee - goana lizard - keres: goddesses of violent death in greek mythology  
> vato falman - mackeral tabby cat - ayn: based off ayn rand, a russian-american writer and philosopher  
> jean havoc - german shepherd dog - hiroko: means "tolerant, generous," "abundant," and or "prosperous" + "child" in japanese  
> heymans breda - blue nose pit bull dog - sumati: means "wise, good mind", derived from sanskrit  
> kain fuery - european otter - ada (pronounced "AH-dah"): based off ada lovelace, assistant to charles babbage, the inventor of the early mechanical computer


End file.
